I am a person who has always created visions for myself in one-year increments. One-year seemed like a reasonable amount of time to look ahead. In fact, I have taught other people just how to do this.  My mantra was, “If you create a vision and a plan to go with it, it will happen.” A little like “If you build it, they will come.”  What I’m realizing is that there are times when no matter how much visioning I do, or how much planning, the outcome of a situation I find myself in is NOT what I hoped for.  I ask myself, “How did I get here?” and “How do I pivot?”

Last spring, we talked about living abroad and my husband said he wanted to teach English again.  Having really not liked teaching high school students, I opted out of getting a job, but agreed to come along.  I loved Budapest the last time we lived here, and I am certainly a person who can spend time alone.  I envisioned myself exploring the city and going to places I had never been. I knew my weekends would be filled with Steve and me exploring and I hoped that people would visit.  My vision also included writing.

In October, I met my sister in Paris for four great days and then she came back to Budapest for a week.  Since our apartment is too small to accommodate any guests, she stayed at a nearby hotel.  The entire week she was here I felt as if a friend was living down the street. We would meet up for coffee in the morning and spend our days and evenings exploring the city.  When her week was up and she flew home my heart sank. At first, I thought it was just missing her, but it was bigger than that.  I’ve started questioning what I’m doing here and as the days grow shorter, darker, and colder, my thoughts go to “What’s next for me?” 

All of this is compounded by the fact that I still don’t have a resident visa, and my 90-day tourist visa has drawn to a close.  Right now, I can’t leave the country without risking being deported and not being able to come back to Budapest for another 90-days. This dilemma has caused me to rewrite my vision.  Sometimes life hands you a set of circumstances that are out of your control and I’m taking those facts and creating a new vision.

Since I knew I needed to have some time with women friends that I love, a week ago, with one day left on my visa, I hopped on a plane and spent the weekend in Amsterdam with my dear friend, Mandy. My heart and soul ached, longing for a few days with a friend, laughing, talking, eating, and drinking.  That is exactly what I got!  We explored Amsterdam together.  Mandy knows me, and the flow of our time together was like a well-oiled machine.  We went everywhere, laughed, ate, had wine with lunch and dinner, and we talked and talked. It was everything I needed to remind myself about the love and friendship that awaits me at every turn.

In a week I leave to visit my son, DIL and grandson in Portland, Oregon. But without a visa, I can’t return to Budapest until March. WAIT a MINUTE! Isn’t this what I want?  Isn’t my vision to be with friends and family, to hang out, to laugh, to visit my women friends and to be warm?  I mean, after all, my sister lives in Mexico, and my oldest and dearest friends are all a few miles from each other in sunny Florida.  This dilemma is starting to sound more promising every minute. WHOA! What about Steve?  If I wait until March to come back, then we are apart for almost three months. I’m between a rock and a hard place. If I DON’T get a visa, then I have a plan, but what if I DO get the visa?  I would return to Budapest in January as planned and rewrite my vision for the following 5-months before I return home to Peaks Island. There are so many options for me to travel in Europe by myself for shorter periods of time scoping out places for Steve and me to spend next winter and to spend more time here in Budapest with Steve.  Not a bad option.

At 73, the world is still my oyster and I have the privilege to do what I want.  Right now, I’m focused on spending time with my precious grandson, Julian, and exploring Portland, Oregon. Living between a rock and a hard place is too narrow for me.